Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
