Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
