OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
