then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
