Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
