Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
