her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found the puke drawer
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
