I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
