Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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