i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
