I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
