I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This toilet bowl is my home.
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