im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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