I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
