so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
