If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
