I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
