I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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