Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
