I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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