Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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