And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
