If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
