no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
