he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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