I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
