ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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