I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize