If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
