I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
