We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
