I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
