dude i'm inner monologue high
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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