You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
