he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
