I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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