you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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