How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
