ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so let's talk penis.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
