i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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