the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
