i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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