In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
