i need an iv and a liver transplant
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
