ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
