I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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