Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
