wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
