The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
