So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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