Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
