I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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