Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
