WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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