well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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