I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
