It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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