Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
