I just made out with a guy for $7.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
