I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
