So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
